AN OPEN LETTER TO MY NIECES.

Am lucky to have aunts who keep it real and say it like it is……find below a series of open letters to their nieces. Hope you will save a copy and make reference to it from time to time and share it with all your girls too!

Hi Ladies,

I have been writing this since I got back:

I have to accept that you are no longer girls now….

Being your youngest [stress young…] aunty, I feel I have the responsibility to talk to you about issues that your mothers will probably find hard to talk to you about.

The issue at hand at the moment is relationships [read: MEN],I love all of you so much and I would hate any of you to go through some things I have seen in my lifetime. I know some of you are already rolling your eyes and saying “here we go again” but believe me, I was once your age and thought and felt that I was knowledgeable and mature enough to make the right choices-but guess what, I wasn’t, and I wish I had someone to talk to me openly and honestly. May I apologise in advance if I cause any offence, I know I have met some of your interested parties, but I am not being personal-I just want to be sure that whatever decisions you take, you do it with your eyes wide open.

This are the warning signs of a man who will control you, delete your life as you know it and even result to violence. I want you to look at the list, and if the men you are seeing are represented in this boxes, trust me its time to get out.

1. You are all beautiful, intelligent and capable [and am not just saying that because you have my genes and any man who makes you feel any less than that is questionable.

2.I know we all have to hide our relationships from our parents to some point, but if you are having to lead a double life to be with a man, he is not worth it, and that’s a first red flag to violence.

3. if he openly humiliates you and puts you down, believe me its not going to get better.

4. If you are having to make excuses for his behaviour, actions or explain his comments, that’s a person you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with.

5. If you cannot fit your family and friends around him and find that you have to abandon the former for him, again a major red flag for violence. Violent men will always first isolate you from those closest to you-family and friends. Oh believe me at the time you wont realize what’s happening, you’ll think its all love, then you find yourself cancelling that family function or that date with a friend in order to be with him all the time convincing yourself that you didn’t really want to go meet that long lost friend or for that family get together because it was going to be boring anyway.

6. I know we all fall in love and feel like we can’t do without that man in our life, but if that feeling is persistent and makes you keep going back to him despite his unbecoming behavior, another red flag.

7. If you get anxious or afraid to be with him in the presence of your family or friends and you find yourself constantly saying ‘they just don’t understand/like him’ its time to cut your losses. One person can have a problem or even not understand him, but if it’s 2 or more, open your eyes girl…

8. If he makes you feel like no one else would want you-do I need to say it-GET OUT!

9.If he is possessive over you and you have to explain, who is that, who were you talking to, how do you know them, and gets into a huff if you talk to another guy or even flies into a rage…again, a bright red warning sign.

10. If you are afraid or anxious to raise an issue with them about something they said, did or didn’t do, that’s another red flag.

11. If he makes you think or feel your life plans/dreams/goals are not that important-he is the most important thing in your life right now-he is not right for you.

12..This is the crunch of it-IF EVER a man lays his hand or his finger on you in anger or bangs a table, a wall or breaks something because of you-please, please I beg you, don’t wait another minute-dump him! Violent men know how to apologize, they will even cry and tell you how special you are, how they can’t live without you and how it will never happen again. He probably means it, but he can’t help himself and IT WILL happen again.

Society makes you feel like that the above is normal in a relationship -well I am telling you society can go jump off a cliff-it is YOUR life you are the one who has to deal with it.

Make sure your men understand who you are and what’s important to you-if you go with a blank canvas, believe me they will fill it in for you with what’s important to them! If they see you are willing to push aside your values, dreams and aspirations they will help you push.

If you do make a bad call, do not be afraid of what people will think if you change direction, kama ni mbaya ,mbaya, just know its your life, not everybody else’s, and people will always talk. If you need to get out-then just do. I assure you a few of us will always be in your camp no matter what.

I am not putting you off men and marriage; I am just saying make sure it’s with the right person. Marriage/relationships even at its best isn’t easy and takes compromise, but it doesn’t have to be endured, it’s meant to be enjoyed.

 Ladies you are family, I would like to believe that if you saw the red flags in the man the other person is dating, that you have the inherited right to point it out, and if its pointed out to you, you need to take it as it is meant-in your best interest and not get offended. You all need that-because as I said, when you are in it, you might not necessarily see it. Just to let you know that if I see it, I am going to point it out…hopefully one day you will thank me for it.

And finally as I’ve always said, if you need to talk, I hope you know am always there. Anytime, without judgement.

I wish you all love and relationships that make you grow, not hamper you.

Lots of love

Your Auntie

IU Feted at the East Africa Arbitration Moot Court Competition.

 Copied from the IU website.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 14:49 — admin

Two third year students from Inoorero University (IU) School of Law topped in the East African Arbitration Moot Competition held on Friday November 25, 2011 at the Strathmore Students Centre.

Catherine Kiama and Lilian Nyaga beat their counterparts through stiff competition in other universities which saw them emerge the overall winners. The students were given a problem and later divided into two groups with pool A being Inoorero University, Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology(JKUAT) and Kenyatta University while pool B comprised of Mount Kenya University(MKU), Nazarene, University of Nairobi (UON) and the Catholic University of East and Central Africa (CUEA).

The students submitted a memorial from each pool and tackled it as claimants and respondents then went through an elimination process with IU tackling UON while MKU battled with JKUAT in the semi finals. IU and JKUAT got their ticket to the finals where IU emerged the overall winner. Ms Kiama was also recognized for being the best orator.

Great joy was expressed through the five finalists who have earned themselves internship opportunities In 5 law firms. Despite having only two participants, IU still carried the day considering that the other competing teams were advantaged to have a third participant as a research person.

To ensure a credible process is followed, the event brought in partners from other law firms as judges as well as the chairperson and the deputy from the Kenya Arbitration Society.

It was a joyful moment for the IU institution who had earlier won an award in South Africa during the African Human Rights Moot Court Competition in July this year.

Happiness and success?

1. Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.

2. Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.

3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.

6. Be generous.

7. Have a grateful heart.

8. Persistence, persistence, persistence.

9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.

10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.

11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.

12. Commit yourself to quality.

13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.

14. Be loyal.

15. Be honest.

16. Be a self-starter.

17. Be decisive even if it means you'll sometimes be wrong.

18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.

19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.

20. Take good care of those you love.

21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.

Of life’s Drizella’s and Anastasia’s.

Cinderella is a folk tale that has thousands of variants know the world over. Growing up as a young girl, you must have been in awe about the glass slipper, the impeccable chariot, the gorgeous ball with poised people among many other interesting things. However the most poignant thing I recall in the story is Cinderella’s two step sisters: Drizella and Anastasia Tremaine!!

This two display step-sisters at their worst. They are manipulative, scheming spoilt brats who cannot take no for an answer and would go to all cost to ensure that if they can’t get anything neither will anyone else.

As a child, I would just marvel at the story, mostly glad that it was fictional. Little did I know that in the ‘real’ world they are the equivalents of evil Lady Tremaines’s children; not in two but in the hundreds!

Am sure you have met one of these people. They do not need to be related to you but I am referring to those sisters who step on you to get to that promotion...or who backstab you to win favours with friends…..etc.I call them “step” because they literally step on you to move forward!!!

Quite recently, I have been encountering a number of this evil Tremaine’s.Some claim to be our friends, but if circumstances force them to choose, they will drop you like hot cake and look for ways to move forward even at the detriment of your friendship. Others just do so to make themselves feel better especially when things seem to be going great for you. Whatever ailing reason they have, it is never for your benefit but to your detriment.

So, when I read Cinderella today, I am not as naïve as a nine year old child. I am very aware that these people do exist in our midst and have learnt how to detect them. It is of course wise not to have such people in your inner circles for obvious reasons.Therefore, once you identify them, feel free to run away from them like a plague!!!! Interesting how such a beautiful read can make us see such unbeautiful things!

Despite everything, we all know how that story ends…evil never wins…so ladies….let’s not step on other sisters shoes just because!!!Instead we should be like ladders, helping a sister reach a higher level!!And be genuinely glad when others achieve and accomplish! They too will be happy when the tide is in your beach!

Managing Happiness:

1.     You must have goals but they must be achievable.

2.   Change what you can and accept what you cannot change.

3.    Don’t expect gratitude from anyone. Do whatever you can for the pleasure of doing and giving to others.

4.  Laughter is the best medicine. Learn to laugh at yourself and tickle the funny bone in others.

5.    Accept failures and sorrow to enjoy happiness.

Managing Time:

1.     One of these days in none of these days. Today is the day to start the big job.

2.   Manage your time as you would your money. Start your day with the “to-do” list and priorities the vital few after picking them up from the trivial many.

3.    Do important jobs NOW before they became urgent.

Managing Friends:

1.     It is chance that makes brothers but hearts that make friends.

2.   The only way to have a friend is to be one.

3.    A little straight talk between friends is sometimes the best way to stay friends.

4.  Two people can no longer be friends if they cannot forgive each others little fittings.

5.    Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.